I’m not an unstable person at all. I usually don’t panic or cry or any of that shit. I keep it prettyyyyy even keel.
I made it through Hudson’s pregnancy without crying except for times when it was necessary- like getting my first IV or losing 30 pounds and being so dehydrated I was pretty sure I’d die. I made it through his birth without a tear shed. Maybe I’m even a bit UNfeeling. Anyhow.
Get ready for complaining.
I am tired. My back hurts. BAD. I have like constant cramps in my legs. I think I’m getting sick and when I sit straight up my ribs ache because they are clearly rubbing on poor Sawyer’s domepiece. I am UNCOMFORTABLE. It doesn’t help that Hudson is totally mobile and won’t ever just sit and cuddle unless he is sleeping- or trying to sleep. If it is not sleepytime? He wants to stand and to move. Usually using my huge balloon tummy as a place to dig a tiny foot or elbow into.
Anyways, I’ve been keeping it together pretty damn well, I think. But, tonight I just kinda freaked. After the whole flea incident- everything in the house got washed. And it was sitting in a legitimate MOUNTAIN covering our entire king-sized bed. I walked into the room several times while cleaning up the living room, since the entire contents of our bedroom were in the living room all day. I dry and wet swiffed the hardwood floors. My feet were hurting, but I seriously couldn’t relax. (Scott was playing COD MW2 and ignoring my attempts for his sympathy when I said things like “OMG! MY BACK!! OWWWW!” while sweeping in front of him) Anyways, then Hudson started crying from his playpen. (Yes, his father was in charge while I cleaned and somehow, he was able to get him into the playpen while he played fucking video games!!) This in turn made me cry. A LOT. Mini- breakdown status. Causing Scott to “give me permission” to wait to fold laundry till tomorrow. Gee. Thanks.
So, I got to take a shower for the first time today at 7:30 and climb ONTO my bed. Only onto, because my comforter is still drying so I have no covers. I am watching SYTYCD and trying not to loose my shit.
I better sleep this off. I hate dealing with people who act this way- and here I am- doing the same.
TOTAL piece of work.
November 11th, 2009 - 7:00 AM
I think we all have our “pregnancy freak out moments”. Mine was a week before Milo arrived and it ended with our wireless keyboard shaddered over the coffee table!
Since you’re pregnant with twins I think you’re entitled to two freak outs, at a minimum.
But, I hope things are better and you don’t have to have anymore!
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November 11th, 2009 - 10:02 AM
Jesus Brandt, man up
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November 11th, 2009 - 10:23 AM
Lol. Thanks for the support Boisseranc!!!
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November 11th, 2009 - 5:27 PM
oh, chickadee, you’ve earned some complainin’ time! don’t feel bad or hypocritical AT ALL about finally reaching a boiling point – you’ve got it rough right now and anyone can see that. as far as i’m concerned (and i bet there’s a ton of other mamas who’d have my back on this) being pregnant earns you the right to ignore housework, watch extra, extra, extra tv, and have things brought to you so you can remain sitting and rest your back and legs. and you, my dear, are DOUBLE-PREGNANT, plus you’ve got a little dude who’s now mobile and therefor super high-demand! you deserve a break AND a hug AND a free maid service! DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT FEELING BAD ONCE IN A WHILE! you have soooo much on your plate, and you’re handling it much more gracefully than the average person ever could!
as far as your hub goes, i totally empathize with the situation you described. my attitude it a lot like yours; very even-keel, i pride myself on being fiercely independent and i can handle doing a lot without having to ask for help. but i remember being about 1 week postpartum with poppy (so, you know, still leaking…) i desperately needed a shower and i asked david, who was sitting in bed watching football, to watch the baby so i could get cleaned up. he said “sure!” and i told him thanks, and that she needs a diaper change while he has her. he agreed, but when i came back in the room after 10 minutes, poppy was laying beside him in the same spot i put her down, waving her arms and legs and grunting and looking quite miserable. and she was still in her dirty diaper! he hadn’t even touched her! now, david is a wonderful dad and husband, and he seriously wasn’t trying to ignore me or neglect poppy. but dude, football ATE HIS BRAIN AND MADE HIM TEMPORARILY RETARDED. i would imagine video games can impart the same effect. even the best men are still dudes sometimes. dudes who are insensitive about their lovely wives who need for them to get up and help with the baby and the laundry and for the love of god acknowledge our hard work, dammit!
hang in there, darling. try and give yourself credit for ALL the work you’re doing right now. you will handle it, day by day. and if you find yourself feeling like this more often, it’s ok to sit your man down and gently tell him you’re struggling, and ask for a little help (for example, i asked david recently if he’d be willing to get my coffee ready to brew in the evening, cause it really helps my mornings be happier. he was actually excited to do it! yay!) and if you find yourself welling up with the need to rant, but you’re too embarrassed to do it here, shoot me an email – no judgment here, yo!
hope your night gets better! check your mail tomorrow for a surprise!
xo!
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November 12th, 2009 - 12:50 PM
Thanks, Emily! Yes, I am not a person to ask for help unless necessary and my husband- I love him so much and he is so sweet but perception is not his strong suit. I really need to spell things out to him sometimes and when asking for help- that’s hard because it sounds like crazy talk to me. “I really need you to know ahead of time that my feet hurt and just make me tea and give me a hug without me having to ask” -It seems odd saying aloud. Especially when I’ve been at home in front of the TV all day and he has been sweating balls under some strangers house covered in poop so I can be in front of that TV. :/
Anyhow, luckily, I let the laundry go till last night and my mom was here and helped me fold it all. Clean house- happy mama- happy family. I am hoping the freak-outs stay at bay for the remainder. But, pregnancy fucks with even the most sane chicks, unfortunately.
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November 12th, 2009 - 12:56 PM
Lol.
That reminded me of the RHW of New Jersey…
“Happy WIFE. Happy LIFE”
Love ya mama <3
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