First order of biz: I have a guest post that went up today over at Tiffany’s fabulous blog MOM-NOM.com!! Please go check it out, leave some love etc. I always get really worried when I do guest posts that no one will read & the blog owner will spread the word that I’m a dud & no one will ever ask me again.
I also wanted to add a little disclaimer for any one visiting for the first time & a little plea for my current readers to understand. I never delete posts ever. Just getting that part out there. But, they other day I WANTED TO. Because my post on my role in my own family has made me feel kind of naked. I wouldn’t call myself a feminist. I know. You all hate me. But, I do support women no matter what they choose to do or not do. I am upset that some people took what I was getting at and twisted it. You guys- I can take any sort of criticism you throw at me with a smile. I always will. I want everyone who reads to know that NO MATTER WHAT you think about my posts, pictures, vlogs- you can say them. I am comfortable in what I believe and I’m not one to ever shy away from a discussion. I love hearing the other side & occasionally I will learn something new! I love learning and growing & the point of a friend, no matter if it’s in real life or on the internet is to help your friends grow.
Anyhow, my last two posts may have scared people off. I just want everyone to know: I love my family. I love being able to make my husband happy. So what if I have long hair because he likes it? He has a beard because I LIKE THAT! We are a team & I hope I didn’t make it sound like we were anything but. But, my role in my family IS that of being a wife & mother. I don’t go collect a paycheck. It is my role to take care of my kids & my home & taking care of my husband? I do it because I want to. I do it because I love him. I do it because after 13 years together I still get butterflies when he looks at me across a room. I do it for my children so they can grow up in a home where they not only receive love from their parents but so they can see what a happy couple looks like. So they can tell their future children how IN LOVE their parents are. So they grow up to find a partner that truly makes them happy & makes them want to put their very best foot forward.
The idea that I am telling my daughter to “follow the crowd” or “look a certain way to garner the attention of men” is just simply not true. I have never ever ever in my life followed the crowd. I am my own crowd. My daughter will know she can be anything she wants, do anything she wants in life. And as far as looking good for the attention of men? Ummm, NAME ONE PERSON EVER that never ever wanted to look good for the person they are dating. It’s human nature. I won’t buy her clothing that is suggestive, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel pretty as long as it is rounded out by being MORE than just what you look like. Why can’t my daughter be smart, witty & beautiful? Why is that a bad thing for me to teach my daughter?
Please discuss. 
April 29th, 2010 - 10:24 AM
I think it’s great that you fully embrace the role you have within your family…no matter what that role may be! I respect you more for it as a person. I too keep my hair long because the hubs likes it. Does that mean that I am any less of an independent woman? Heck no. Your daughter, and even your boys for that matter, will grow up knowing how to treat their significant other with respect and see them for who they are. I think that’s great and I know that’s ultimately the goal I have with my daughter and her future siblings.
Ok, I was a little rambly, but whateve.
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April 29th, 2010 - 10:27 AM
I think you’re my spirit animal.
You should never have to apologize or feel bad or be somehow embarrassed about discussing your role in your family. I’m so sorry if anyone made you feel that way.
No matter what your role in the home, you are a strong role model for your daughter AND your sons. Your daughter will see the type of strong woman she should work to become, and your sons will see a strong woman who knows how to speak her mind, take care of herself, but also treat those around her with love and care.
My parents told me I was pretty AND smart, and I don’t think boosting your daughter’s self esteem in EVERY way is ever a bad thing. It’s important to raise a child who feels good about herself inside and out.
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April 29th, 2010 - 10:58 AM
I hope you didn’t take my comments as critical, because I wasn’t trying to be. And I think you probably ARE a feminist – you’ve just been scared out of using the term because you think it means man-hating, bra-burning, humorless lesbians. That’s what I used to think too until I became one
It really just means you want your daughter to grow up and have all the same opportunities your sons get, even though she’s a girl. You want her to be treated with respect and not sexually harassed. You want her to be paid the same amount of money for her job as a man. You want her to be able to make choices about her life and her body. And I don’t think showing your kids a happy, healthy marriage is going to harm them in ANY POSSIBLE WAY. So keep doing what works for your family and your life and don’t feel like you need to defend yourself. We love you.
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April 29th, 2010 - 11:07 AM
Suzanne- it totally wasn’t you. I just starting thinking about how what I wrote might have sounded to someone who had never read my blog.
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April 29th, 2010 - 2:03 PM
I didn’t realize your other post was so controversial! I think when it comes down to it….being the best version of yourself for your husband is no different than him being the best version of himself for you. He goes to work and he works hard and if someone asks why he would never be criticized for saying “For my wife and kids” in fact he’d be MORE respected. But a woman says the same thing and it’s something shameful? WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE>
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April 29th, 2010 - 2:13 PM
Hi Emmie Bee,
I’m a first time reader and I loved that post and your writing! It’s not that I’m that traditional, I was raised by a feminist mother
, but I just understood what you were trying to say and I agree with it! To me it didn’t matter if you didn’t use the words “making an effort” or “caring” instead of “embracing your gender role” but I understand if there are people who are more sensitive to how you word it. I think you reacted very understanding and sensitive to those who criticized you or misunderstood. You definitely didn’t scare me off, I’ll be back 
. Beautiful blog!
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April 29th, 2010 - 2:18 PM
Emily- Thanks so much for stopping by. You’re rad even if you didn’t agree with me because you’re a fellow Emily!
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April 29th, 2010 - 2:30 PM
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Emmie Bee. Emmie Bee said: Blog:: Out on a limb. http://www.emmiebee.com/2010/04/29/out-on-a-limb/ [...]
April 29th, 2010 - 2:51 PM
I read both posts and neither bothered me
. I like to think that I’m an open person and even if I don’t exactly belive the same things you do I can definitley respect them and not think twice about whether it is “right or wrong”.
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April 29th, 2010 - 4:01 PM
Emily, I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you wrote on the previous posts.
A.) Its YOUR BLOG. You get to say what you like, and people can choose to stop reading if they don’t like what you had to say.
B.) My Grammy made it a point to look her best every single day before my Grandpa got home from work. My Mother made it a point to be put together before My father got home from work. Every single day when I was younger my Mother scurried around the house tidying it up with hot rollers in her hair. She still did that even though her and my dad fucking hated each other! And Now, I find myself trying to get out of my jammies and put a headband and some mascara on 6 out of the 7 days a week for Mercer. He loves me no matter what I look like, I know this.Fat, skinny, zits on my face, zits on my ass…. But, I LIKE to look pretty for him. He doesn’t expect it. It’s something I do for the both of us. It makes me feel better about myself getting dressed each day and it’s nice to come home to a wife that took a little pride in herself that day. I see nothing wrong with this. I also see nothing wrong with the other side of the spectrum. Sawyer has a beautiful Mommy from the inside out. That is one thing you’ve exuded ever since I’ve known you. You are confident and I hope that Sawyer, Truman, & Hudson all take that from you and put it to use.
Sawyer will be pretty from the inside out, and if she takes after her aunties at all….well….we know girlfriend will have impeccable taste in clothing/accessories and will thoroughly enjoy sprucing her self up daily before she says hello to the world.
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April 29th, 2010 - 5:44 PM
I think that writing about such a controversial topic is going to get you a wide range of reactions no matter what you say (or how you say it). I agree with Suzanne, I think you ARE a feminist. “Feminism” sounds scary to many people, but if you agree that women should have control over their lives, then you are a feminist. My doctorate is in Political Studies and Gender (don’t worry, I am not going to lecture you
). When I started the program, I was really intimidated by the whole feminism thing (hello, I like Ku to open the door for me!). I felt like all the other girls (and boys) in the class were going to hate me. I felt like they were going to judge me for having long hair. I really did not think I was a feminist. I have to tell you Emmie, this course changed my whole world-view. I learned so much about women who have no choice, but to behave like a “woman”. It really made me question all the things I take for granted about my life. Now I think I want my son (and not just my future daughter) to be a feminist when he grows up. I don’t necessarily want him to treat girls like he treats the dudes, but I want him to have an awareness of the disadvantages that many girls in the world have to struggle with for the only reason of being girls.
Whatever works for you and your family is fine. You don’t have to apologize or feel bad about it. As long as you recognize that there are millions of women out there who do not have a choice and have to comply with very strict gender roles. You may have chosen to be a certain type of wife (more traditional, perhaps?), but other girls don’t have that choice. They might want to go to school or have a career, but they are not allowed because they HAVE to be a wife and mother. It is very easy to take our freedom for granted. You might let your hair grow because you know that’s what your husband likes, and I’m sure if you really really wanted to cut it, he would have no problem with it. There are many girls who are not this lucky. They HAVE to cut their hair a certain way or wear certain clothes because their husbands REQUIRE them to do so.
I know this is your blog and you are writing about your life and not anyone else’s life, but acknowledging that the reality out there is not so easy for every woman could have given your post a little bit of balance. These types of topics are very tricky to tackle and no matter what you say, there will ALWAYS be someone who does not agree. The important thing is that you are being honest and staying true to yourself.
Love you!
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April 30th, 2010 - 10:07 AM
fabulous, absolutely perfect. your choices are yours and that’s always the key.
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May 1st, 2010 - 5:00 PM
I think anything involving feminism or gender roles is going to get controversial. I think that clarifying what you meant is the best you can do. I’m glad you didn’t delete your original post. I’ve posted controversial stuff before, without realizing exactly how controversial it could be or how hot the responses could be, and the backlash has made me want to either strangle someone or hang myself. It definitely all makes for interesting discussion, right? (:
That aside, I completely understand what you were trying to say now. I think the term “gender role” just throws some people — me, hi! — for a curve, and probably shouldn’t have been the wording you used. I think that the things you want for your daughter are wonderful, and are what any good parent would want.
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