First: You should watch this video while reading this post because it’s hilarious. Ohhhhhh Kelly! This is an oldie but goodie for sure.
“These shoes are $300
These shoes are $300
These shoes are 300-fucking-dollars
Let’s get em’.”
OK- Now that you’ve laughed your ass off.
My sister-in-law Sarah & I have basically spent much of our weekend together & lately we have been on the topic of shoes. Specifically: Crocs.
Ok here’s the deal- I hope I don’t offend anyone- Crocs are gross. GROSS. Like, when I see someone wearing them I want to laugh but I also want to pat them on the shoulder and say “Do you realize your shoes are gross??” Obviously I don’t do things like that. But I do think them. Sue me.
Then two things happened.
Hudson needed shoes for outside that were easy for him to get on and off himself. We were at Nordstrom’s buying him a new pair of sneakers and I started looking at the Crocs. And I bought my son $22.00 plastic ugly Crocs. And he LOVES THEM. And, they are an adorable shade of neon orange. And basically anything my kid wears or does I think is adorable. So, I obviously now have a soft spot for these orange Crocs that Hudson wears. Yes, I am a hypocrite. But- he’s so cute in them. He runs around on the patios playing in the water usually totally naked- except the freaking Crocs. I die.
And Scott thought they were adorable. And in the presence of my Dad & Step-Mom told them that they were cool and looked comfortable. Sooooo- my parents bought SCOTT a pair of FAKE Crocs. The fact that they are fake doesn’t matter at all except for the fact that the off-brand are called DOGGERS. And these DOGGERS? Yeah, he got them and was stoked. I? WAS MORTIFIED. He swore he’d only wear them around the house and on the patio when he was watering the plants, etc. But then? On 4th of July- in front of 20 of our closest friends- HE WORE THEM. Yes, we were at home on the patio. But people noticed. And mentioned it to him. And Scott feeds off of that kind of stuff so instead of shamefully changing his shoes back to something less ridiculous? HE WORE THEM ALL NIGHT- like, DOWNTOWN. In front of the entire population of Foster City! Me? Still mortified.
Since that day, the Doggers have been creeping into my life. He wears them more than I can even tell you. And I have to share that besides this shoe faux-pa my husband is very stylish. He cares about clothes & has good taste. Nice shoes. Designer jeans. Smells good. He’s a good looking well dressed dude. UNTIL THE DOGGERS. And then I got to wondering if *I* needed some Crocs. Because obviously the boys LOVE theirs.
My mind is going crazy. I was at the bank the other day and was behind a lady & her two kids & they were all wearing matching pink Crocs. And instead of barfing in my mouth? I thought “awwwww!” I’VE GONE SOFT!
I’ve even *gasp* looked at the Crocs website & found a pair of flats that I can ALMOST say are not totally unfortunate. I’ve thought about purchasing so I can fit in with my family. I haven’t. So, there is still hope. But, I am teetering on the brink here, guys. I think I need an intervention.
Luckily, my sister-in-law Sarah is quite vocal about her Crocs hate. She’s keeping me honest. She said she’d never put on a pair of Crocs EVER. But, to be honest- she did fit 4 of her 5 toes into Hudson’s orange Croc tonight & it made her foot look super deformed and it was hilarious.
And THEN? We started discussing the OTHER major footwear faux-pa. (besides the obvious socks & sandals. HOLY DISGUSTING!) Flip flops. At a bar. Ladies? NOTHING says “I can get my clothes off quickly & probably will if you buy me a drink” quite like rubber flip flops in a bar. So just don’t do it. Seriously. Ever.
/end shoe rant.
July 26th, 2010 - 1:50 PM
I'm laughing. At my desk. And people are starring. I feel like I have had the same exact experience with that plastic-y mess of a shoe. Of course, my son has rocked them & I have awed at the cuteness. And yes, my husband had FROCs (we named them) and yes I cringe every time I see him wear them. Oh wow. Yea…that hurt.
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July 26th, 2010 - 6:51 AM
LOL! You’re totally a Croc lover! It could be worse. You could be into those sandals that velcro.. I think they are called Tivas. I think those are the worst! Luckily you have a super family, you guys can totally rock the Crocs & still be cute!
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July 26th, 2010 - 5:33 PM
OK, so I too have HATED the crocs. BUT< MJ has a pair that he received before birth that he's been waiting to grow into, and when he does fit in to them I will let him wear them. Cause they look easy! AND I'm really into easy lately. I was looking at a pair of them for him at the mall on saturday but, came to my senses and didn't make the $24 purchase.
NOW, the other day I was watching your video of hud going through the dog door and noticed 'someone' had crocs on their feet that were not HUD! I was like OMG an adult Emily hangs out wiht has Crocs on!!! Now that I know its Scott I'm laughing. I would never ever imagine scott wearing those. Pretty hilarious.
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July 26th, 2010 - 12:23 PM
I was so so so so sosososososo anti-Croc before I had a kid. But now…meh. We have a fake pair for Baby Evan and he loves them. They're easy to get on. You can wash them off in the sink if they get dirty. They're just really functional and practical and, on a KID, pretty cute.
BUT. DO NOT GIVE IN to the crazy idea that YOU can wear them. If you're gonna buy the "made by the Croc company but almost unidentifiable as actual Crocs" shoes, that's fine. But don't even think about wearing PLASTIC CLOGS.
And word on the flip flops. Unless you walked into the bar literally off a beach it is never cool.
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July 26th, 2010 - 1:01 PM
Okay, so Mommy? is TOTALLY with you on the croc hate – she *always* made fun of Daddy for his… She is a total shoe girl. but then? She was pregnant and got pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and her feet swelled up like freaking balloons and she couldn't wear ANY normal shoes. So one day, as she was walking around in the mall and her sandal strap was CUTTING into her foot? She broke down and bought crocs – and Daddy never let her forget it…
Oh, and the worst part of having to wear those hideous things EVERYWHERE? She had to go to a wake. In her stupid crocs. At least they were black. http://demandware.edgesuite.net/aadb_prd/on/deman…
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July 26th, 2010 - 9:02 PM
Hahahaha, I too have never been a fan of Crocs, but tried a pair of the flip flops and LOVE them!! so comfy and lite, also another pair of there sandels , I have only bought a pair of the fake clog ones for yard work, but have been tempted to try the clogs but I always get the "Oh no you dont from hubby" I also was very tempted to purchase the mickey mouse version at Disneyland, but then decided I would never wear them. But now I know what to get Sawyer & Truman…lol
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Emmie Bee Reply:
July 26th, 2010 at 2:19 PM
No! lol. Crocs are bad enough PLAIN. She gets Pink & he gets plain blue! No characters! lol.
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July 26th, 2010 - 4:23 PM
Am literally DYING laughing my ass off here. I bought a pair of Doggers once, ONCE, because I was going to the waterpark and needed shoes I could get wet and didn't care about. I threw them out after we got home, because they SUCk and were so uncomfortable.
BUT, I've been looking for a pair of crocs that are small enough for Nolan too, because of the same reason…he needs something easy and quick.
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July 26th, 2010 - 11:33 PM
this post is too funny! the hubs and i were JUST talking about this the other day. he says corbins feet will never step into a croc, i say yes im sure they will. mine however will not. i can guarantee that. keep us up to date if yours do though…haha!
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July 26th, 2010 - 11:53 PM
RESIST THE CROCS!!! And embrace the flip flops!! My skanky ass lives in Teva flip flops as soon as the snow melts and I don't abandon them until the leaves start falling of the trees
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July 27th, 2010 - 7:09 PM
My SIL bought Everly some and me and the hubs? We are MORTIFIED!
A friend of mines little girl had ones called Dawgs….she's always DAWGS, DAWGS!
I hate them. Unless you're a nurse or a gardener, you should not wear them! Imagine our shock when we saw an entire Crocs STORE in Lahaina on Maui. Ick!
And don't even get me stared on all the embellishments!
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July 28th, 2010 - 2:39 AM
They are the wost!!! You can't do it. Only naked Hudson can make them cute. That is where it should end.
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