Today Scott had a big dollar job scheduled. It was an all day thing so he didn’t schedule anything else. He got up early, dragged ass out of bed and headed out to work. Not 10 minutes later he called form Starbucks with the news that the job had been cancelled due to the customer not finishing the prep work for us. So, by 830 I was in the shower (with a frap!) and we were formulating a plan for the day. Which ended up being a much awaited trip to the Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate Park. I haven’t been since the OLD one was open. It’s been like 20 years.

I am IN LOVE with days like today. Not only was it a (surprise!) family day but it was also a day where I got to see my children in a new way. New experiences through their eyes. Watching them literally SOAK IN information.

The Museum is amazing in design & in what it contained. But watching Truman point furiously at “fish!” and “Turrrrtle!”? Or watching Sawyer meander through the gift shop and return hugging a little stuffed Albino Alligator wearing a neon pink hoodie with the Academy of Sciences logo on it? (how could we say no!?) And of course Hudson who is at an incredible age. No stroller at all- just walking with his hand in mine. Pointing to lions, gorillas, monkeys, zebras, fish, sharks etc. He was like my little docent. He was showing us everything and telling us what things were. (“Look mama! Alligator! Captain hook is SCARED of alligators!” “Penguin SCARED me when he jumped in water!” “Gorilla big and SCARY!” Yes, he has a new favorite emotion.) When he didn’t know- he’d ASK. It was amazing. All three were wide eyed the entire time- and though we didn’t leave the museum until close to 3 (the twins usually nap 12-3) all three were awake until they were cuddled into their car seats and on the way back home. Even Hudson napped. And Sawyer slept clutching the stuffed alligator, of course.

Scott & I decided to take advantage of the sleep time & went to the mall for Legos for him (yes. I know. He’s a lego maniac at 31.) and a new Kate Spade wallet for me. Side note: OMG. I felt SO 1997 while purchasing a Kate Spade wallet. But I needed a new leather wallet as my Chanel (from 2004) FINALLY broke down. And I went with a more budget friendly option than Chanel this time. And it will no doubt last just as long.

Of course today was Thursday so we went to my Dad & Stepmom’s house for dinner- which was trying only because the kids can be really difficult when in a non-childproofed environment. We had a wonderful dinner, the kids got some new clothes from their Nona & I got a really great family heirloom from my dad that I could not treasure any more than I do. It is AMAZING. It was a great night. Especially hearing Hudson tell his Pop about the museum. He said things like “I saw an ALBINO alligator.” I told him that at the museum but he remembered. He also told pop that he pet a starfish and an urchin and went in a tunnel of fish. All without coaxing. His memory is really taking off.

Once home (with a horrible headache) we put the twins in bed & read a few books with all three in their beds. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a movie. Does that happen to you? Tonight during story time was one of those times. Hudson laid down on his pillow and both twins sat upright with their feet dangling through the bars of their cribs. They were listening. They were smiling and giggling. All three of them. Being a parent is sometimes like being complete outside yourself, right? I don’t know how to really articulate that, but- it’s this crazy feeling I get sometimes. It makes me insanely happy. Then Hudson came downstairs repeatedly begging for “more stories.” “Read _______” etc. He also decided to call me “Emily ” “Babe” & “Emmie” like 100 times for no reason which was HILARIOUS.

It took a visit from Kelsey around 10 who rough housed with Hudson for about 45 minutes to tire him out finally and he is currently passed out in our bed between us.

So that was today in a delicious nutshell. July 14th, you’ve been good to our family. Did I mention I bought presale tickets to Portishead for October in Berkeley this morning? Did I mention I bought their first album circa 1994 and still have never had a chance to see them live? Well here I am.  17 years later with a ticket in my hot little hand. CANNOT WAIT.

Also this week:

Our house- FINALLY appraised.

I’m taking a giant sign of relief and sponging up every last second of this week. I cannot believe it is Friday already. Can you!?!

Once upon a time- I loved my dog. I loved that cute little shit so much I thought HE NEEDED A FRIEND. Caesar Milan is pissed. I wish he was around when I initially thought that Blue needed a friend- but he wasn’t. So no one told me that dogs don’t need friends. So we bought ANOTHER DOG.

And let’s just forget the part that I had never owned an animal in my entire 20 years on the planet up until that point. Someone should have sat me down and told me that dogs are expensive & hard work. And before kids I had no problem when someone called my dogs “practice kids” -and now that annoys me to death because dogs are nothing. like. kids. at. all. But, they kinda are. In the way that they are hard work and expensive. And people stop you on the street corner to tell you how cute they are. Then say they LOVE Chihuahuas. And you are fuming because CLEARLY they are min-pins and who am I? Paris Hilton? I DO NOT HAVE CHIHUAHUAS! (*disclaimer: I actually really love chihuahuas but I just don’t OWN one. No disrespect, Tinkerbell.)

Then? I went on my first trip to the SPCA. And there? I adopted a cat. A cat with a literal death wish. A cat that had a bionic titanium leg within a few weeks of coming to live with us because he couldn’t stop getting underfoot and ended up with a broken leg what was so horrible it required a special kitty surgeon to come in from another practice to insert his (now bionic) kitty leg. He’s jumped off the second story loft more than once. Sat on a stove burner. While it was ON. He gets in fights daily & finishes off his nights by leaving me a severed bird head and a pile of feathers on my doorstep.

But the cat isn’t the problem. Bantam is actually really great as a pet. He is clean. He doesn’t use a liter box. He comes in at night and snuggles and keeps me warm. In the morning- he goes about his business.

The dogs though are a different story. Coco is about 7 pounds of pure hell. Cute, sure. But she has the most annoying bark EVER. And when someone is in the house that she doesn’t know really well or someone is in the house that doesn’t like dogs- she won’t shut the eff up. Like, she will bark for 4 hours straight. She also loves to eat baby shit. It’s a real treat when she gets into the diaper pail. Oh! And baby toys? Her favorite. ESPECIALLY the ones that look like they should have been $2.25 but really cost $20. (ahem, SOPHIE!)

Blue? He’s my old man at 7 years old. He is totally potty trained but will go on a walk, not pee and then walk into the house look me in the eye and pee all over the bathroom floor. Oh, and he likes to eat our clothes. Dirty, clean, brand new with tags- he eats them. Usually the crotch too. Crotchless PJs in a size 12m? I totally have a few pairs of those, thanks. He is also scared of 99% of noises and funs around like a freak all night whining and being annoying. And when the neighbor comes home at 2AM and shuts the car door? Yeah, he is up and barking like we are under attack. Thank god my kids can sleep through it. I certainly can’t.

They don’t come, sit or stay. They do what they want. Even when you are sitting there staring them in the fucking eye telling them to stop? They stare right back & keep on keeping on. They are OUT OF CONTROL.

It may have gotten worse. Before I had kids Blue only peed outside. Before I had kids I could comfort him when a raindrop hit the window & he had a mental breakdown over it. I could drop everything to walk him 12 times a day. I could take them to the dogpark once a week. I was a better pet owner.

And I try to do what I can but I have 3 baby humans, 1 adult human, my self, a cat & two dogs who all depend on me to take care of them. Sure, my husband can take care of himself, but seriously. My responsibilities at this point are just too much to own dogs. I can’t afford their fancy $80 a bag food and the vitamins & omega3 pills. I don’t have the freedom to go out for walks whenever because I can’t walk two dogs while holding 3 babies.

I feel like they are getting less than they deserve & for that? They are punishing me hardcore.

How do you all find the time to be good pet owners while still getting everything done? How do you not totally unload on your disobedient dogs? Has anyone given up the family pet because having human children made it too hard to be a dog parent?

It’s taking every bit of me to not drive their asses down to the night drop off at the animal shelter. I know that’s horrible. I’d never really do that. I do love my dogs. I DO. But tonight? I am at the end of my rope.

On Friday, my cousin Danielle & her adorable son Dustin came over for a few hours and the dogs would NOT stop yapping/ barking loudly and incessantly. So, I locked the dogs in the bedroom which is also where Danielle had placed her diaper bag.

Don’t worry, Blue has YET to eat a diaper- but I’m sure that’s coming as well. Anyways, we were sitting in the living room and she offered Dustin some raisins. Then mentioned she had to GO GET THEM FROM MY ROOM. I died a bit because raisins are poison to dogs, as are grapes, avocado, pot & sugar free gum. All of which have previously sent my dogs to the emergency room.

Totally NOT her fault at all, but I know blue and if there is food that he can get to- he will. We leave the house and he empties the recycling to make damn sure NOTHING but recyclables are left. So, as soon as she said it I was like “crap- Blue ate them.”

Which, he did. She said it was probably about a cup of raisins. That is a bad scene.

So, I called the vet, because really, if I had to go to the ER for Blue, I would be effed. SO. MUCH. MONEY. Our vet suggested the ol’ hydrogen peroxide till they barf routine. I hate doing that because they get into stuff so much that they KNOW when the hydrogen peroxide or salt is coming and usually fight it.

I came up with the BEST IDEA THOUGH!

I poured HP into a water bowl & then added FRUIT JUICE. My dog is stupid. He was so stoked he drank the whole bowl. I promptly locked him in the bathroom for 20 minutes- came back to see the progress and HOLY CRAP! Barf EVERYWHEREEEE. And poop. SEXYYYY. But there was def more like 4 cups of raisins and I am glad I made him barf.

So, yeah- that’s the story. Totally gross and inappropriate, but barf is kinda awesome. I think so, anyhow.

So I’ve been like SICK since Monday. Everyday it has been worse and my husband in the last 24-hours has called me “Darth Vader” and in a strange turn of events “choo-choo” but I’m convinced that childhood regression had to do with the fact he called me that at like 3 AM in his sleep.

Anyways: I can’t breathe. It’s bad. My throat is ON FIAHHHHH and my nose is like at least 98% blocked. I am sneezing some sweet stuff at this point and coughing up even prettier things. It’s totally unacceptably gross.

But for the last two nights I have woken up to little noises next to my head where I wake up and see my dog trying to steal my nighttime kleenex pile. Like, I throw away my snot rags, kids. But when you blow your nose like 800 times while you are sleeping and make that pile which you toss when you wake up? Yeah, my dog is hoarding them and possibly consuming them. (and by possibly- I mean- he is.)

Why are dogs seriously the most disgusting thing ever?!

It makes me smile anyways.

I will start with ” I hate my dogs.” I mean. I love them clearly, but ever since I had a baby all the things they do that never bothered me totally bother me because they bother Hudson.

Remember my post ten minutes ago? The one that says Hudson hadn’t napped yet?

Well, shortly there after he fell asleep on the couch with a baba. I waited till I knew he was asleep- which is usually when his thumb falls out of this mouth. Just as I was getting up to go make myself breakfast (at 1PM- I’m really helping these twins out clearly.) the dogs start barking. I got up to go kill them- and stop them from barking at nothing. Of course JUST as I turn the corner Hudson wakes up on the couch- sits up and literally starts to teeter (since he’s half asleep) on the edge of the couch. So, I run over- heart pounding and catch him. And then proceed to freak out that I walked away from him sleeping on the couch.

Anyways, now he’s wide awake. His nap was maybe 10 minutes and now he’s PISSED. In his playpen crying away. Yes, that may sound mean but I was so hungry I thought I might pass out. So I made a sandwich and I am eating it.

The dogs do this like literally everyday and I think I may loose it.

It was fun- but totally out of control.

This is probably something I shouldn’t advertise, but most of you have pets- so- Yeah, I have gross disgusting FLEA INFESTED animals.

I mean, they all take Advantage and stuff. But, apparently we woke up this morning and Scott discovered something called “flea dust” where we were sleeping. Gross. So, we immediately had to get up and deal with it- even though I’ve been complaining of being bitten by “something” for literally a month. He got one bite last night and suddenly- it’s like “GET THE FFFF UP! FLEAS!!”

So, we got up and took Bantam (our cat) to Cat’s Inn for a flea bath, nail clipping and Frontline application and then went to breakfast, and went to a couple jobs with Scotty. After he was done- we went to Petco and spent like wayyyy more than anyone should ever at Petco. We got shampoo- Frontline for two dogs, and FLEA BOMBS! Afterwards, we fogged the house and took the family out for a cruise in the Cruiser. Dogs are bathed and flea combed….

Scott also made me make an appointment for carpet cleaning in the morning to finish our flea-killing mission. But, since he is going to be super busy tomorrow and couldn’t be around to help me move all the furniture out of our room we did it tonight. Which is why I am sleeping on my mattress in the living room watching the 10 o’clock news! (Which, is doing a story on the stars of Twilight appearing at Stonestown tonight! lol)

And now- I wait. I am hoping Scott will bring home a slurpee for his twice pregnant wife. I’m even more embarrassed about this than the flea infestation- but my husband is with his friends at the mall. Waiting in line at Game Stop for the new Call of Duty MW2 video game that comes out tomorrow. Apparently, Game Stop is having some sort of nerd-fest tonight culminating at midnight when my hardcore gaming (but adorable!) husband will come home and play his new video game till he passes out. I’m sure that will carry over ’til later tomorrow when he will wake up late- be upset and cranky- go to work and then get home late and basically ignore us until next year when he realizes he’s been playing PS3 for 4 months straight. No joke.

And can I just throw in that my ass hurts?! I am like a 90 year old. Pregnancy complaint #1: Sciatica. I had it when I was prego with Hudson too- but it is sooo bad. It feels like a charley horse that goes from my right ass cheek to my thigh. AND IT HURTS! It happens suddenly and I cannot even MOVE for several seconds. Boo.

OK, I swore I was done- but one more thing, since this is a “mom” blog. MacLaren has officially recalled ALL MacLaren strollers in the US made from 1999-2009. Over a million strollers!! That sucks. So, if you have one- watch your little one’s fingers. Apparently, they are getting chopped off!!!

PS: GG was GREAT tonight!!!

Anyways, I went. Scott put Hud-B in the ergo and I walked Coco Nuggetron and he walked Blue Bubba and we took a little walkie walk. The BEST part though is that BB Brains Mc Kitty Pants decided to come along. No leash needed. That amazing little kitty of ours went on a walk with us. He strolled right along next to the dogs and turned around when we did. He hid in the bushes when others walked by but then jumped out and kept on truckin’. He walked right up to the door when we got home and waited to be let in. Fantastic. He’s hilarious and amazing. I’m just excited because A. I’ve never had a cat in my life till now. C. He is an INDOOR cat. B. His outdoor experiences are usually me frantically screaming his name at midnight shaking a treat can because he had escaped.

So, today was good times with kitty.

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