Today Scott had a big dollar job scheduled. It was an all day thing so he didn’t schedule anything else. He got up early, dragged ass out of bed and headed out to work. Not 10 minutes later he called form Starbucks with the news that the job had been cancelled due to the customer not finishing the prep work for us. So, by 830 I was in the shower (with a frap!) and we were formulating a plan for the day. Which ended up being a much awaited trip to the Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate Park. I haven’t been since the OLD one was open. It’s been like 20 years.

I am IN LOVE with days like today. Not only was it a (surprise!) family day but it was also a day where I got to see my children in a new way. New experiences through their eyes. Watching them literally SOAK IN information.

The Museum is amazing in design & in what it contained. But watching Truman point furiously at “fish!” and “Turrrrtle!”? Or watching Sawyer meander through the gift shop and return hugging a little stuffed Albino Alligator wearing a neon pink hoodie with the Academy of Sciences logo on it? (how could we say no!?) And of course Hudson who is at an incredible age. No stroller at all- just walking with his hand in mine. Pointing to lions, gorillas, monkeys, zebras, fish, sharks etc. He was like my little docent. He was showing us everything and telling us what things were. (“Look mama! Alligator! Captain hook is SCARED of alligators!” “Penguin SCARED me when he jumped in water!” “Gorilla big and SCARY!” Yes, he has a new favorite emotion.) When he didn’t know- he’d ASK. It was amazing. All three were wide eyed the entire time- and though we didn’t leave the museum until close to 3 (the twins usually nap 12-3) all three were awake until they were cuddled into their car seats and on the way back home. Even Hudson napped. And Sawyer slept clutching the stuffed alligator, of course.

Scott & I decided to take advantage of the sleep time & went to the mall for Legos for him (yes. I know. He’s a lego maniac at 31.) and a new Kate Spade wallet for me. Side note: OMG. I felt SO 1997 while purchasing a Kate Spade wallet. But I needed a new leather wallet as my Chanel (from 2004) FINALLY broke down. And I went with a more budget friendly option than Chanel this time. And it will no doubt last just as long.

Of course today was Thursday so we went to my Dad & Stepmom’s house for dinner- which was trying only because the kids can be really difficult when in a non-childproofed environment. We had a wonderful dinner, the kids got some new clothes from their Nona & I got a really great family heirloom from my dad that I could not treasure any more than I do. It is AMAZING. It was a great night. Especially hearing Hudson tell his Pop about the museum. He said things like “I saw an ALBINO alligator.” I told him that at the museum but he remembered. He also told pop that he pet a starfish and an urchin and went in a tunnel of fish. All without coaxing. His memory is really taking off.

Once home (with a horrible headache) we put the twins in bed & read a few books with all three in their beds. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a movie. Does that happen to you? Tonight during story time was one of those times. Hudson laid down on his pillow and both twins sat upright with their feet dangling through the bars of their cribs. They were listening. They were smiling and giggling. All three of them. Being a parent is sometimes like being complete outside yourself, right? I don’t know how to really articulate that, but- it’s this crazy feeling I get sometimes. It makes me insanely happy. Then Hudson came downstairs repeatedly begging for “more stories.” “Read _______” etc. He also decided to call me “Emily ” “Babe” & “Emmie” like 100 times for no reason which was HILARIOUS.

It took a visit from Kelsey around 10 who rough housed with Hudson for about 45 minutes to tire him out finally and he is currently passed out in our bed between us.

So that was today in a delicious nutshell. July 14th, you’ve been good to our family. Did I mention I bought presale tickets to Portishead for October in Berkeley this morning? Did I mention I bought their first album circa 1994 and still have never had a chance to see them live? Well here I am.  17 years later with a ticket in my hot little hand. CANNOT WAIT.

Also this week:

Our house- FINALLY appraised.

I’m taking a giant sign of relief and sponging up every last second of this week. I cannot believe it is Friday already. Can you!?!

Though Hudson tends to push Truman & Sawyer down- Yells “MINE!” as he steals THEIR toys from their hands, he is in love with them.

I know he is in love because of the moments I see them together when they don’t know I’m watching. Mostly these moments are when I am in the kitchen and quietly peeking around the corner while they play and though Hudson is delegating “Tutu- LEGOS! Soysoy! NO!” He isn’t pushing or grabbing. And Truman & Sawyer look at him like they look at me. And that? Is amazing.

For the last several months -since right before Hudson got moved to a “big boy bed”- he has been in this weird habit of taking EVERYTHING out of his bed & Sawyer’s bed and throwing it ALL into Truman’s crib. Then he climbs in and they literally play. Like brothers. I mean, obviously they ARE brothers- but it’s just so REAL in these moments. I become the mom- yelling from downstairs that they better be sleeping in their own beds or there is trouble & I am answered with giggles and the bangs and thumps of Hudson trying to be “quiet.” I more often than not find them cuddling in Truman’s bed at the end of nap time and every night Scott or I have to move a sleeping Hudson from his brother’s bed into his own after he’s fallen asleep next to his brother. Usually, poor Sawyer is asleep the whole time in a completely empty crib, since Hudson has taken all her animals & blanket into the crib with he & Truman.

And today after going through the nap time ‘routine’ I went upstairs to check on my sleeping babies as I always do & I was greeted with Hudson sitting with all his toys & all Truman’s toys in Sawyer’s bed. Hudson’s back was to me & Sawyer was laying on her stomach with her head propped up on her arms. She was laughing and Hudson was dancing his stuffed animals around for her. I walked right up to the door & they didn’t even notice me. They were totally immersed in brother/ sister LOVE. And I snuck out. Twenty minutes later I went back upstairs and they were asleep together in Sawyer’s crib.

Though I’ve seen Hudson & Truman play quietly together so many times & it melts me every single time- but seeing Hudson & Sawyer giggling together was this whole new overwhelming experience. The love I have for my children is so insane sometimes. And the love they have for each other is sometimes even more mind blowing for me.

They will have each other hopefully long after Scott & I are gone. There will be so many times in life they will have to lean on each other when we can’t protect them. So many things about their relationship that no outsider will understand. I am so grateful they will have each other on this journey of life & in these moments- I am so amazingly grateful for the memories of growing up with my brother. Parts of our childhood were complicated- and having him to UNDERSTAND what it was like- man, I just don’t know what I’d have done without him.

It started a day or two ago when Truman walked about three steps from the wall to a piece of furniture. Followed the next day by Sawyer taking 3 steps while I was busy trying to coax Truman into walking. They aren’t fully walking around yet, but when they are rested & fed- they can WALK. Truman walked at least 10 steps a few different times today (sunday) and I couldn’t be more excited/fearful of what this important “step” means for my everyday life. It’s also funny because Hudson started walking about a week before his birthday talking a couple steps at a time- and the day of his 1st birthday party (3 days before his birthday) he started WALKING and never crawled again. Tomorrow is 3 days before the twins turn 1. It’s a cute little coincidence & I hope tomorrow brings us great luck in the form of Tru & Sawyer making the transition to walking full time. We will see. Hopefully, I will have videos soon!

Saturday night Scott’s aunt had us, my sister-in-laws, my father-in-law & my dad & stepmom over for a little birthday dinner for Scott. He opened gifts & we had cake. It was lovely. Then after we had a couple friends over & hung out till 2am+ & even had a drunky sleep on our couch because it was that kind of party!

Today was spent relaxing & playing with the kids. Today was also my husband Scott’s 31st birthday. So I was sure to make 3 homemade meals & make sure he had a great day. And it was great. Pure & simple. In the late afternoon Scott’s sisters came over (FYI we hang out with them 5+ times a week.) & we ate an AWESOME dinner & watched the Oscars.

Here are some pics from the weekend:

I am starting to get a glimpse of how other people must feel. I have been so extremely lucky in regards to sleeping in this house. The kids are now napping once a day for between 2-4 hours at the same time making it possible for me to watch SVU marathons on a semiregular basis.

Sleep has been stellar. they go down at 745-8 and get up between 8-9am. it’s been on this schedule for at least 6+ months but all of my kids were pretty much sleeping through the night by 1 month old.

except Sawyer has now decided she hates sleep. and for the third night in a row (& the 4th night in a week) she is asleep in the baby swing by my bed after staying up till at least midnight and requiring an extra feeding around that time.

I am confused to say the least. I am also left laying SUPER still in case she were to wake up AGAIN.

And in just a few days of losing my mommy time (my actual sleep hasn’t been disrupted because I don’t fall asleep till well after 12 anyhow) I can feel myself getting frazzled easier. I’ve come to expect those 4+ hours to myself before bed every night to chill or even meet up with friends.

point being I guess now, even if just for a few nights- I have stood in the shoes of a parent with a late night party baby. and it sucks.

anyone have any ideas/tips/tricks to get my little girl sleeping again? because this? blows.

And guess what?! 2010 is no different. Except it is. Because I have grown as a person & a mother & a wife & and… andd…

There is just MORE. The capacity in my heart is MORE.

Yes, I am grateful for my husband, my children, my family & my friends. For our continued health & happiness.

But the love I have for these people? It’s just off the charts.

I really feel like I understand what true happiness is. We have so many challenges in life. So many bad days & hardships. So many days when we just want to get through & survive. But at the end of the day I can snuggle up with my husband after our children are tucked safely in their beds & know that it was all worth it. I can look at my life, and be proud. And I don’t mean proud for what I have- I mean proud for what I am. What I stand for. How I treat people. The mark that I am hopefully leaving on the world through my interactions with others. I am so thankful for the laughter that fills my life & for the people who support me through everything life throws at me.

Thank you to my parents & friends who have recently let me confide in them all that has been going on in my head. For listening & not judging. For making me feel like no matter what, we are loved.

And I am grateful. I am grateful for each day I am given to live & laugh & love fiercely.

Every. Single. Day.

Forever.

We parked & unloaded all the kids & walked around the cyclone fence barrier into the park. The amazing smell of chocolate that accompanies every summer afternoon of my childhood in that little neighborhood was thick in the air.

Hudson immediately took off through the grass & under the cluster of redwood trees. As I chased after him on his way to the play structure- I just had one of those moments.

I’d call it Deja Vu, but I just wiki’d that & found that I have been using that term wrong basically my whole entire life. So, it wasn’t deja vu. It was this floodgate of memories that just OPENED.

I could almost see my 12 year old self high in redwood trees chatting about boys & who could ride their bike faster down the street with my neighbor friend. Except now? The bottom branches were too far overhead for the 27 year old me to reach. 15 years of growth making those trees that were perfect for climbing into nothing more than scenery.

Hudson ran to the swings & as I pushed him high as he laughed & screamed, I could picture my friends & I swinging for hours while singing “Black Hole Sun” at the very top of our lungs.

The memorial bench that was saved when they remodeled the park that I used to sit on to eat endless amounts of ice cream from the the ice cream man.

The basketball court I spent hours on playing Horse & working on my layup.
The picnic benches we’d sit on top of and hang out with cute boys with too-long hair.
The way we would always sing “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver” when we’d walk along the cyclone fence on our way home.

And the chocolate.
Living a mile from a chocolate factory, when the weather got hot- the chocolate just permeated.

It’s so funny when memories are triggered like that. I hadn’t been to this park in years. And I never realized how fond of a memory I had of it until I was there with my kids.

I am so grateful for such a wonderful childhood. Sometimes for me, it’s easier to remember the harder parts. But, Thursday- I was fully immersed in how wonderful my memories are. And how lucky I am that I still live in my hometown. That all my memories will now be my own children’s memories. That the ice cream man hasn’t changed in 30 years. That my children will go to the only dentist I’ve ever been to in my life. That we have an amazing community around us & our children. People we’ve known so long you can’t remember when you met. Experiences that Scott & I will share with our children, even though 2 decades will have passed in between them. But mostly, that Hudson got to run through the grass under the redwood trees in the late afternoon summer sun & smell chocolate.

Georgie is in my top 6 dudes ever, along with my hubs, brother, dad & my two adorable penis-having offspring. That’s saying a lot.

I was a bad daughter today & rather than send his card- I was lazy & decided to give it to him tomorrow at our weekly family dinner night. But, I am making a cake!!

Happy Birthday, Georgie! We love you & appreciate you so much. Thank you for always being there & being a constant source of love & support in my life, Scott’s life & in our children’s life.

Hudson spent at least 20 minutes carrying around a picture of you today screaming “Papa! Papa!”

He loves you so much. We love you so much. I love you. So much.
Loads of Love
-SDFH

& now?

Hudson points & exclaims “FISH!”

Times have changed.
Serious.
A LOT of change.
My oldest?
Is almost 2 years old.