I am starting to get a glimpse of how other people must feel. I have been so extremely lucky in regards to sleeping in this house. The kids are now napping once a day for between 2-4 hours at the same time making it possible for me to watch SVU marathons on a semiregular basis.

Sleep has been stellar. they go down at 745-8 and get up between 8-9am. it’s been on this schedule for at least 6+ months but all of my kids were pretty much sleeping through the night by 1 month old.

except Sawyer has now decided she hates sleep. and for the third night in a row (& the 4th night in a week) she is asleep in the baby swing by my bed after staying up till at least midnight and requiring an extra feeding around that time.

I am confused to say the least. I am also left laying SUPER still in case she were to wake up AGAIN.

And in just a few days of losing my mommy time (my actual sleep hasn’t been disrupted because I don’t fall asleep till well after 12 anyhow) I can feel myself getting frazzled easier. I’ve come to expect those 4+ hours to myself before bed every night to chill or even meet up with friends.

point being I guess now, even if just for a few nights- I have stood in the shoes of a parent with a late night party baby. and it sucks.

anyone have any ideas/tips/tricks to get my little girl sleeping again? because this? blows.

Anyways, my father in law, the sweet man he is- went ahead and paid the bill for us this month- since it’s expensive & he’s rad. I logged onto my ATT account & it said it was paid by a CC. Awesome.

Then my husband goes to buy a large purchase this morning & his card gets denied. So, I look up the balance & see this:

They charged the exact amount my father-in-law paid on his credit card TO MY CHECKING ACCOUNT!

So, of course my husband is short for the (work related) purchase & we are forced to use a different account which has only limited funds for important things like groceries.

So, I call up ATT & they says that they can’t give me my money back because they have no record of charging my card. So, I have to call my bank. First off WHAT THE FUCK ATT?!?! So what you are saying is that your “system” is just charging people x2 all willy nilly?! And that you have no control over it & don’t see any reason to help me the fuck out and give me my money back?! YOU STOLE MONEY FROM MY BANK ACCOUNT TWO WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!?

ATT, congrats- I think you just took the worst company in the world award from Comcast! You- are now tied with Bank of America as my least favorite company EVER!

Anyways, they suggest I call my bank & dispute the amount. So I do. And I am told on two separate calls that it is “probably a mistake” that I “should wait it out a few days” to see if the charge falls off. And in the meantime be down $300.00? Umm, no. So, after spending some time screaming profanities at the automated system to get to my third operator and wait a third time on hold for said operator (15 minutes each call, thanks.) I get an operator on the phone for the 3rd time. I attempt to not sound like a complete psycho and explain, for the 3rd time  (4th time if you include ATT calls) the situation. This lady was like “uh huh uh huh. OK. The money is back in your account.”

Now, I appreciate this SO MUCH but after she said that my inner psycho was REALLY boiling. I had so many questions. Like: WTF WHY!?! WHY MAKE ME CALL 3 TIMES WHEN IT WAS OBVIOUSLY AN EASY THING TO FIX?

And WHY ATT!?! WHY MUST YOU SUCK SO HARD WHEN I WAS DETERMINED TO HAVE A GOOD DAY!?!

Anyways, my immediate issue has been resolved, but the bigger picture is still peppered with ridiculousness. I guess I’ll just take it for what it’s worth and be happy. But seriously? I was THIS CLOSE to just calling the looney bin. My throat literally hurts from screaming at the phone/computer.

Bullshittery.

Side note: Comcast TOTALLY redeemed themselves last time I complained. Not only did I get a new, much lower rate- I was credited for service during the times the issues were taking place. So, thanks Comcast- you may suck sometimes but at least your “irate customer department” seems to know what to do. Although- why get to that point before the customer service shines?

BofA, ATT? Any of you planning to step up your game?! I won’t hold my breath.

For the last two months I have welcomed at least 7 different technicians into my home to deal with my internets mystery illness while I kept PAYING for my services that basically didn’t work 12 hours day. Eash technician told me something different when they were here.

It was my router.

My computer.

the wiring.

“a mystery” -the words of at least 4 of said technicians.

my ’10 year old modem that they haven’t installed in 10 years’ that they installed 3 years ago.

One phone technician accused me of LYING about the problem because even though I had no internet from is chair he could “see” my modem perfect & I had never ever dropped internet in the last two months. “Ma’am, I don’t care what you or your friends think they know about how the internet works but I am sitting here looking at your modem & you have never lost connection. What you ar saying is based on guesses & I have COLD HARD FACTS.” Yes- this fool told me he had cold hard facts.

In my next call 20 minutes later the next phone technician to me she couldn’t communicate with my modem at all & that it had been on & off line every few minutes.

Whatever. My internet has been working recently very well after the modem exchange that the last in the parade of technicians installed.

But today, I was reminded AGAIN how much I hate Comcast when I DVR’ two important things. The interview with George W I was DYING to see & 90210. And when I went to watch them? The video is all pixelated & skipping while the audio is basically non-existant.

And while this annoys me greatly this isn’t the first time this has happened. Super Bowl? Same thing. 24? ruined. And now? this.

WHY OH WHY can’t Comcast ever get their shit together. I mean, for all they know I have cable this month in particular to JUST to watch GW chat it up. Because basically I did. So, where is my $300.00 credit, assholes???

No wonder Comcast is the recipient of the WORST BUSINESS IN AMERICA AWARD if I was the award passing out kind I’d definitely award them the ‘I am confused how you are even still in business because your customer service is horrendous’ award, as well as the coveted ‘you suck so hard. I want my $300 a month back because you suck giant ass.’

Hear that Comcast? THIS TIME I really am shopping for a new company because no one can suck as bad as you. NO ONE.

Respectfully,
Emmie Bee

TODAY. WAS. AN. EPIC. FAILLLLLLLL.

So last week I may have briefly mentioned that Scott’s van was in the shop for well over a week? And how my car broke down on the way to pick his car up from the shop only for his car to STILL be broken and require 3 more days at SERRAMONTE FORD, which in our opinion are notorious for putting under warranty issues on the far far far back burner and keeping our van for an average of 10 days for problems that take 1 day to fix.

We made it through that alive. Sure, Scott couldn’t work as much because most of his tools were 15 miles away at the shop. Sure, it was also the month we had to pay two registrations for cars that suck a big fat dee-ick. And our cat (who can’t have more than 3 lives left) who had to have 3/4 of a digit amputated & has since had 3 infections and bills totaling a house payment. So, going into November we were already in a small hole. Things in October weren’t going our way. We were keeping our chins up, though & keeping on & all that positiveness that I usually try to exude.

Then there was yesterday.

When Scott’s van broke down AGAIN, less than a week after it’s return.

And today?

My car that inexplicably took yet ANOTHER giant shit on my life & broke down as well.

We have no cars. Scott cannot work. We are already in a hole from last month & cannot go out to make the money to get out of the hole as that hole JUST. GETS. DEEPER.

Normally, as you know, I wouldn’t say this is a huge deal. I don’t want to dramatize things, but it really was the worst day I can remember. Around 3 PM, if you visited my house you’d have seen my husband in the front of the house swearing at the top of his lungs and slamming car doors while I sobbed to my mom asking “Whyyyyyy!???? WHY USSSS!?!?!WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS BULLSHITTERY!?!?!” (yes, now it does sound over dramatized. Noted.)

But seriously.

Scott is such a hard working man. He gets up everyday & works his ass off for our family. He is a the sole income for exactly 4 humans & 3 pets. 7 mammals are dependent on his income for basically everything. He’s a 30 year old man with so much on his plate. A home. A business. A (large-ish) family. Lots of financial demands. And I think he’s cracking under the weight of that. And I can’t fix it. I don’t have the ability to go get a job that pays enough to match his income & take some burden off of him. I don’t possess the ability to leave my children in someone else’s care, even if I wanted to. I appreciate Scott SO MUCH & just wish there was a way to actually EASE his burden. I mean, I am there & supportive- but that doesn’t make this kind of stuff any easier. And, I’ll be first to admit, Scott is less than mature about how he handles stressful situations- which obviously helps NONE.

And this van, my car, the added bills & under work this last month are leaving us worn out & tired & feeling beaten down as a family. It has left us shaking our heads asking “Why us? When do WE get a break?” Yes, we are happy & healthy. We have SO. MUCH. to be grateful for, but sometimes it is so hard to not stomp your feet & throw a toddler sized tantrum over the fact that being an adult is SO. DAMN. HARD. SOMETIMES.

Remember how I was like “ohhh poooorrr meeee! The twins can sleep 12 hours & I am losing sleep because I am worried about them!” Yeah, well, last night I fed them around 8 & that was IT. I fed & changed them and put them down FOR THE NIGHT. Except Sawyer didn’t get the memo & she woke up at 5AM completely soaked in pee & wanting a bottle. Basically, I can’t win.

Saturday, as my husband drove me to the Millbrae BART station it was DRIZZLING. Hello, August? Yeah- WHERE ARE YOU!?! I mean this is CA people. Granted, we are in the Bay Area not LA but seriously. SERIOUSLY. One more foggy day & I swore I was gonna lose it.

Can I tell you, though? About 10 minutes into the hot, hot heat of today- I was cursing it. I hate the effing heat. You see that? I just made a COMPLETE 180. I HATE THE HEAT! & I am now sweating in bed at 11:30 PM completely confounded by the fact that yesterday? I was BEGGING for this 100 degree day. I must have been high. Maybe just metaphorically, but High non the less. Because WHO WANTS TO HAVE A HEADACHE FROM IT BEING SO DAMN HOT?! Oh, right. Not me.

I had a crazy full weekend & I have a bunch to post- but I am tired. TIRED. And I need to try to sleep.
Updates on my busy weekend full of no sleep, first BART trips solo, Bloggy Boot Camp & Tattoos to come.

Then, when I had the twins breastfeeding was OK for a while but then I got SOOOO anxious because after Sawyer would take a million years to feed I knew Truman was waiting to eat as well. I was, unfortunately, too LAZY to do it. Despite the fact that I had obstacles like a 13 month old running around and it took away from his Mommy time in a LARGE way seeing as 1 hour plus of every 2 hours was spent feeding babies. But at least a part of me was lazy. And that blows because at 5 months they would be feeding less frequently on most days and we are now on a schedule where only two of the twins feedings take place while Hudson is actually awake. So now? I PINE for breastfeeding. I miss it ridiculous amounts and I feel like I have betrayed my children & myself by not sticking with it. Laziness, I blame you.

Last night, I went on a hike with my friend Mario & I LOVED IT. Trail hiking is so much fun! I like it much more than walking on the bay trail. But it was HARD. I made myself go. And I complained WAYYYY to much while walking. But I had so much fun. And I need to make myself do that kind of thing more. Because I love it once I’m there. Same with losing the 40 pounds I need to get SERIOUS about losing. After the twins I dropped a considerable amount of weight but that number has slowly crept back up. I gained 50 pounds with the twins and when I got pregnant I still had about 10 left on me from Hudson’s pregnancy. So, basically I have only lost 20 pounds of my twin baby weight. 40 pounds need to be lost just to be where I was before I got pregnant with Hudson. And even then I was heavier than I’d like to be. It’s sick. But, again: laziness. Instead of preparing a healthy meal for breakfast or lunch I go with easy- toast with butter or crackers or basically anything I can get someone to bring me on their lunch break. I swear I’m gonna take this more seriously- because I have to! But laziness is such a hurdle for me. I’m not the type of person who gets stir crazy sitting in the house either. I don’t mind never leaving the house. Scary, I know. But I’d say that’s an advantage in my line of work. I love the isolation 90% of the time. Not getting dressed? I’d love to! Thanks!
Tonight my buddy Kristi got her son (who is 3 months younger than Hudson) to pee on the toilet by using advice from another friend Emily who’s daughter is also 3 months younger than Hudson. I was jealous. Because I have been “trying” to potty train Hudson for like 3 months. But then I stopped to think about it. And really? I haven’t done SHIT to potty train. The little Hudson knows is pretty much self-taught. He usually goes into the bathroom on his own several times a day and sits on the toilet fully clothed and makes a “shhhhhh” water sound and then ‘flushes’ the potty. Yeah, I mean, I taught him that. But, I still have yet to see anything besides his foot in that little container for pee & poo. Hudson shows so much readiness & I am being LAZY. He brings me diapers when he has gone in his diaper. Literally, he has done this several times. Today I told him it was time to change a diaper and (being lazy) asked him to get me one & he did. He knows what his peepee is. He watches us use the bathroom. I am just not diligent in taking him to go EVERY 45 minutes. I need to be. I swear he’d have it in no time if I could conquer my own laziness. We’d both be happier.
I need to find ways to combat my sloth. I need to make myself get out to the park with the kids even if actually getting down the flight of stairs with the 3 kids takes me an hour. Even if I have to push a stroller a mile with a 25 pound toddler strapped to my back. I have to force the laziness out of my house and slam the door. Because I have 3 children who look to ME (Lazina McLazerson, Queen of Lazytown) to teach them what is acceptable. And being a fat lump on a log sitting in front of the TV? NOT OK. I need you internet types to hold me to this, because my real life friends might be too nice to say “Hey you- get off your ass & DO SOMETHING!” especially when I usually have a very convincing argument against doing anything that requires getting dressed. As long as no one wants me to do stuff at night. Because by the time 5 PM rolls around- I’m usually too tired from sitting on the couch taking care of my 3 children all day that I really do just need to veg out.

Make me do this. Seriously. I want borderline rude tweets, comments & emails daily from anyone who cares about me that say things to the effect of “If you are sitting on the couch so help me god- I’m coming over there to hit you!” or “Hey- let’s go to the park. You have no choice.” or even- “let’s go walk around Target for 4 hours.” That last one I will definitely agree to.

Anyways- that part is cool. I mean- I don’t care. 100+ comments and basically most of them are people telling me I’m an asshole. I can totally hang with that though. I would prefer 800 comments that say I’m an asshole than 800 comments that say a whole lot of nothing. because the people that I talk to all the time? The people who I care about their opinions? The maybe 20 bloggers with whom I have built friendships- I read their blogs and they read mine. We send gifts & cards & love & support basically all over the continent. Those people? They got it. They GET ME. Like, even when we totally disagree on something- they can read between the lines and understand what I mean when I say it- because they have taken the time to actually ‘know me.’ And those friends can knit you hats from scratch. And invite you to their weddings. And craft amazing things.And send you hand-me-downs. And just be real people. They can tell me they think I’m wrong- but at least I know they are disagreeing with the WHOLE PICTURE.

The thing I hated MOST about last week was some bloggers’ need to be accepted in all circles. It’s not a “sides” thing- but I follow the blogs which I sited in my now infamous post- and have read ALL the comments on the posts which sparked mine. I hate people who cannot just say what they think. It is SO annoying when I see comments that are totally contradictory. Like the same person leaving 5 bloggers comments and basically just being FAKE. I loved SEVERAL comments I received that were like “I totally get you. But I totally see why other people didn’t.” It should have said “I think you’re an asshole- but I still want you to link my blog. I have to keep up appearances, you know?”

Blogging is about relationships and while I love the relationships I have cultivated that mean something to me- I cannot help but feel less than stoked on people who only “tolerate” you for reciprocal links or various other lame reasons. People who want to please everyone. People who are so scared to just be REAL. To say what they want to say. To stand behind what they believe in. To not need to be “in” with everyone. And that’s not to mean you cannot be supportive of people with differing opinions or stories- just that you have an IDENTITY. I read not-so-long-ago on another blog (I cannot remember which, otherwise I’d site them) a quote:

“Never trust somebody that everyone likes.”

…or something of that nature- because HELLO?! It’s impossible. You cannot please everyone. EVER. And if you do? You are clearly being less than 100% truthful and less than 100% yourself.

Be supportive of others. Try your best to be nice. But don’t be afraid to be yourself. To have an opinion. To stand up for what you think. To piss a few people off.