But then I discovered that The Business of Being Born was free on-demand. I still hadn’t seen it but I have been interested in it since hearing about it a while back.

I love documentaries. I like learning new things & seeing different perspectives. While most documentaries are the best argument for one side of the story- hearing that side is beneficial regardless of if it’s to reinforce what I already know/think or to show me an angle I hadn’t considered and reevaluate my thoughts based on these new findings/ the effort I put into researching this new information.

And FYI I hate Michael Moore more than anyone on this planet. But, I still see allll his movies.

Anyhow, I watched the movie. And it was pretty great. Fact wise, I “learned” a lot of information- but it was more making me realize what I already knew- that me giving birth is someone’s paycheck. I always knew this. I did. But, I guess it wasn’t something I thought a lot about. And that made me sad to be honest. I was sad that I wasn’t more cognizant in realizing the could-be motives of the doctors caring for me & my then-unborn child.

I spent some time during the movie thinking about my own c-sections. Wondering if I had been railroaded into giving birth “unnaturally” wondering if I am less attached to my children than I would have been if I had labored, birthed my children.

If breastfeeding could have been easier.

If I REALLY needed a c-section or if I fed into the “your baby is in danger” lie.

And, after a little bit of marination on the subject in my head, I don’t think I was. Hudson was breech. When I went to my regular appointment & was told that his medication free hospital birth I had wanted so badly may not be possible I was emotionally crushed. It was one of the hardest days of my life, in fact. I spent most of the day crying & mulling over if I should just hold out & hope or try a external version. I ended up trying the version, even though every fiber of me was against it. I decided that if it worked I still could have the birth I wanted within reach. I “failed”. That’s what the doctors said. They tried to turn Hudson for me- and couldn’t. But I failed. And I felt that. It was hard. I begrudgingly scheduled the c-section.

But, it went so amazing. Not what I hoped for initially, but better than what I imagined once I knew it was my “only option”. Giving “birth” to my first child via c-section was a disappointment until I was laying there and watching him be BORN. Yes, I wasn’t an active participant. But, when it comes down to it, regardless of what I wanted for my birth, Hudson’s position is why c-sections exist. I don’t believe in intervention for intervention’s sake, but a transverse breech baby is a perfect example of what I consider vaginally impossible. I was holding him within 10 minutes. I had no issues with breastfeeding.

With my second pregnancy having multiple complications as well as multiple breech babies- I didn’t question the c-section this time. And I was just as happy with the outcome.

I do mourn for the childbirth experience I wanted, but I am happy with what happened to get my children here safe with me. And since it’s OUR story, I wouldn’t trade it for a thing.

Back to the movie, of course, I recommend seeing it. As a mother, the visuals of birth are so amazing. I cried multiple times at the beauty of the actual act of becoming a mother. Watching babies come into this world is something I could watch over and over and over and be moved to tears Every. Single. Time.

Stunning.

And now? That little guy who brought me joy is a BIG boy who brings me so much joy. He spent the weekend with my mother because A. Nonnie & Papa are huge Hudson addicts & love spending time with him & B. I had about 6 months of neglected filing to deal with, an attic that needed cleaning, a house that needed cleaning and about a year of bank statements that needed reconciliation. My super-bookkeeper title got flushed the minute I had a kid. I just FAIL & spend much of my time worrying about how I will ever catch up with ALL. THAT. PAPERWORK. So, luckily, this weekend I DID. I caught up a significant amount. The house? It’s clean! So is the attic. And my filing?? Yeah it’s pretty much complete. Same with the paperwork. Having help makes a GIANT difference in what I get done. With Scott here to deal with my little twinstars & Hudson at my mom’s house, I was like hurricane Emily. I was unstoppable! Folding laundry & cleaning. The one thing I DID notice about this weekend?? I had completely divorced the interwebz & it felt kinda AMAZING. Every night for the last 4 nights- instead of internetting myself to sleep at night- I left my computer upstairs on my desk. I went to sleep earlier & got so much more done. It was like a wake-up call! HELLO EMILY YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET! So, I am making a more concerted effort to stay off the computer when I have NOTHING to do on it. As in- just sitting on twitter at night when there is no reason to be there- or using every excuse to jump on & look at the same shit over & over again.

Anyways- that’s not even the point here. This post is about my kids. And guys? My Hudson is 18 months old today. I know I said that up top. But let’s revisit that. 18 freaking months. I am in shock. And of course, awe. Because this kid is something else! He still isn’t talking much but is learning new things every day. If you ask me, he’s a genius- but I know I’m a bit biased. So, Happy unBirthday Hud. You are my monster & I love you more than I even know how to explain. But maybe quit growing up. Because I cannot handle it.

A year ago? He was barely trying his first foods of avocado & plums.
A year ago? He had just started crawling.
A year ago? He wanted to sleep in my bed every night.

Now? He is running around being basically the littlest adult in the house while eating anything he can get his hards on- still with only 5 teeth! And last time he slept in my bed was at least 6 months ago. He has no interest in it.
Also of interest?? This time last year I was starting to feel inexplicably tired and foggy & TIRED & sicktomystomach. And I blogged about it. And everyone was like: “ohhh maybe you’re prego!” & I was like “That’s just crazy talk!” and then I TESTED. OK well that anniversary isn’t for another three days- but basically July has been a BUSY month in The Brandt House the last couple years.

OK- I’m off now to spend time with my children. To clean. To watch Baby High or whatever this show is on Mtv that I cannot believe I haven’t seen yet. Basically: I’m divorcing the internet. Well, maybe not a divorce- but a separation. With shared custody? As in 50/50. As in I’ll be back. SOON.

MAN UP.

If you feel blindsided by motherhood… I am baffled.

Did you not know that a baby would be coming out of your vage? Or cut out of your stomach while you watched? Did you not know that you will be responsible for said baby for 18 years? That they cry pretty constantly until they can talk and tell you what they need? That they will ruin every outfit you have with poop & vomit? That they will get upset tummies and freaking scream like you are murdering them & you get worried the neighbors can hear and will call the cops? Did you not know that you would have at least significantly reduced sleep for a long time- and just when they get good at sleeping through the night they will be teenagers and you will never. sleep. again?! That they don’t want their toys & instead want to play with an electrical outlet? That breastfeeding is at least somewhat difficult- even if just for a day and at least once you will curse that baby for making your nipples hurt so bad? Or that every person on the planet will give you advice, unsolicited and you will have to just smile?

I get upset when women feel as if they’ve been duped. Not one person ever had to sit me down & tell me ANYTHING about parenting. Maybe I’m just informed but I have never felt blindsided. It’s HARD but so intensely gratifying- and I don’t think my description of parenting is a lie I am perpetuating.

I understand that women I LOVE both in blogging and in real life have felt HELPLESS after having a baby. They have experienced diagnosed PPD/A/P and other mental disorders. They have taken medications, etc. But, I think being not mentally prepared for the challenges of parenthood is NOT PPD. It’s not. It’s not a reason to medicate. Even women who wanted to birth naturally in the forest while fairies chanted in a circle around them- they end up just swallowing the pill the doctor gives them to make the sadness go away.

But how can you experience the AMAZING highs of anything without feeling the crippling lows? How can you feel on top of the world if you don’t know what it feels like to be buried alive? I have felt both. On MANY occasions. Depression is a NATURAL human emotion. I’ve been there. I really have. But never for long.

This is pure speculation & I may receive a ton of hate for this. I have never had PPD or any other mental disorder. I really DON’T know what it feels like. I don’t. But, I know that I have had 3 children in 13 months and there have been times I’ve had to step away. One time when Scott came home that I said: “I need to go for a drive” and left him with a screaming baby Hudson while I smoked like 10 cigarettes and then came home and was happy. There are times when all three children cry AT. ONCE. and I sit here and listen to it and think, wow! They are loud and I REALLLY wish I was doing anything but this at this moment. I don’t call that depression. I call that reality. People who think parenting is anything different that what I have described are in for it. They just are.

I am not a perfect parent. I’m not calm. I am in fact one of the more high strung people you will ever meet. I am nervous all the time. I am a LOUD. I scream. I can’t help it. I’m at least 1/2 Italian. We scream. Hudson is used to it. When he does something bad- as much as I wish I could kneel down and explain why we don’t do that- I can’t. But, I knew that before getting pregnant.

I also knew I’d be broke. That sometimes I’d want to punch my husband in the face for falling asleep AGAIN while I was dealing with the kids. That nothing is ever perfect. That no matter what happens I love my kids & my husband. That breastfeeding is hard but worth it- until I had twins- then I realized it wasn’t for me this time around. I realized cloth diapering would be hard and I did it anyways. Until Hudson got to be a year old and I was no longer into battling on a diaper, snappy clip & cover and every diaper change. Then? I reevaluated and started using compostable diapers for Hudson. Because that’s what worked.

My point: I am not a planner. I never went into motherhood expecting anything except that I would love my kids. It didn’t matter how they came or what they looked like or how much sleep I’d loose or how much weight I’d gain or how they’d make me feel-both sad & happy. I roll with the punches. When something is going wrong, or sometimes wrong times three in this house- I suck it up.

When I told my Dad I was pregnant with the twins- he said “Suck it up. Time to put your big girl panties on.” I thought it was totally weird and kinda rude. In fact it was so strange I didn’t know if I was insulted. Clearly I had been taking care of Hudson just fine for those first couple months.

But, i have come back to that piece of advice many times. “Put your big girl panties on,” ladies- because regardless of what you THINK you signed up for- reality is what it is.

It IS sunshine and rainbows. It really is. And sometimes? It’s storm clouds. And sometimes? It’s a hurricane followed by an earthquake followed by an oil spill. But WE SIGNED UP FOR IT.

I hope I don’t ALWAYS make my life/parenting sound like sunshine and rainbows. But, to be honest- for ME it IS. 99% of the time- it is sunshine and rainbows. And while I feel so horribly that some women have to deal with post-partum issues- it is unfair to blame their expectations on other women not telling them. On other women making it look too easy.

We have all seen & heard other moms having the same struggles with children since the BEGINNING! No one told me ” Emily, this is going to be so easy. You will love every minute.” I think the part that so many are missing is that EVERYONE (seriously-everyone.) KNOWS that parenting, on at least a million occasions, will suck a big giant dick. But if no one told you how great it is? There wouldn’t BE kids. If no one told you of the amazing love and happiness and satisfaction children fill your heart with? YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THEM. Because without the sunshine and rainbows? It’s pain and hurt and HARD. And that part you can see from the outside. But the love and joy? It’s something you have to feel. So, if no one told you? You may go your whole life thinking “Kids aren’t for me, I’m not prepared for the work it takes.” And that may friends? Is OK too!

And for a million years, women have just sucked it up. They put on their big girl panties and they get knee deep in that giant vat of shit & vomit called motherhood and with sore nipples and no sleep- THEY DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE AND LOVE IT.

*note: I have now edited this post because I realize that people felt that I was attacking two people personally. Since really it wasn’t about them at all or about even PPD at all- just that we all go through the same things once in a while and that that DOESN’T ALWAYS spell trouble. That feeling unprepared is feeling unprepared. That feeling lied to is feeling lied to. They are all very separate issues and since I am not a doctor and wish to support the women originally mentioned rather than to make them feel inferior (which most sincerely was NOT my desire) I have omitted them. *

When I was 20 years old, things were different.

Do you ever look back on something and think… What if? What if I had done this or done that? What if I had become a mother before I could legally drink a beer?

It’s something I think about often.

When I was 20 years old, Scott & I “took a break.” I moved into an apartment with my cousin & (now) sister-in-law. Scott & I never really stopped dating. In fact- we continued to hang out every day while I was supposed to be finding out who I was & where we were going.

If you have followed this blog for any length, you know that pregnancy & I do not agree. I get what’s called hyperemesis & throw up so much I start losing weight on the rapido. So- anyhow-I was at work and had been feeling like shit for days. I was telling my boss Tara, who was a great friend as well, what I had been feeling. And in her 30 year old wisdom looked at me & said “you’re pregnant.” It was the first time it dawned on me, & I immediately knew. Holy shit. I was pregnant. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

I immediately ran to Safeway for a test & within 5 minutes I was blubbering on the phone to my mom. “Mom! What the HELL am I going to do!?!” I called Scott & told him what was up & really- I don’t even remember his reaction. I was totally terrified & 20 and basically- I wasn’t even mature enough to ask for or care about his opinion, I don’t think. I made an appointment with a doctor & went for an ultrasound that night. Scott went with me & I don’t know about him but I definitely HAD to look at the ultrasound. I saw the heartbeat & all that stuff. I was kind of in awe, but at the time sooo far removed from the idea of HAVING a baby that it wasn’t very real, even in that moment that most first time parents cherish.

But, I didn’t cherish it. My first thought is: I’m a month from my twenty-first birthday & I won’t even get to have a drink. THIS IS RUINING MY LIFE. I suppose that right there means I had at least a flicker of intellect. I clearly wasn’t ready to put anyone else before myself. Some people are more mature at 20. I thought I was- and maybe I was at least mature enough to know I’d have given that child less than 100% of myself when it deserved 200%. That Scott & I weren’t stable in our relationship or with our money at that time to take care of someone else.

There are probably a few of you who have been here. I won’t get into the actual semantics of what is involved, but I will say that it wasn’t painful or anything, -just graphic. …And at the time I was sure I wouldn’t be haunted later in life by my decision. And that’s the weirdest part of maturity.

When I look back, I do have a few regrets. I wish I would have thought about adoption. There are too many people in the world who haven’t had the opportunity to be a mother when they want to so desperately. It kills me that I literally threw the chance away. I also know- on a very deep level- what 20 year old Emily was like- so I know I made the best decision I could with the tools I had. But still. I don’t think you ever fully recover from it. And maybe I don’t really deserve to recover from it. Sometimes I think to myself “Wow! I could technically have a 7 year old. What would that child be like? How would my life be different.” It’s a strange feeling especially when you can look into the eyes of 3 more children you’ve created & see what could have been. Especially given that Scott & I DID make it through that time & we are still together. At that time though- I didn’t know.

So, I am writing now as a Mother, three times over. And I am still not sure how I feel about the situation. It’s been seven years & so much has happened. With my last two pregnancies, I was reminded every time I had to fill out paperwork or had the doctors ask “How many pregnancies have you had?” “How many live births?” And then watched as they inferred what happened. It’s uncomfortable. Because now? Unless there was a real PROBLEM with one of my pregnancies or the children being made- I couldn’t do it. I definitely believe in the choice. I do. But, I think many, if not most- of the people who fight for that right haven’t actually been through it. They don’t know the scar it leaves behind. Unluckily for me, I can now see the subject from both sides.

As a parent, given the love you feel for your child(ren)- could YOU do it? It’s not a pro-life/ pro-choice question. I mean- could YOU personally?

Scott & I love our family. We hope to have the resources to expand it again further down the line. I will always have the picture in the back of my head of my 1st chance at motherhood & what it would have done to change the course of my life. And sometimes, when I think of that- I realize that had I had that child, I may not have had Hudson. Or Truman. or Sawyer. That child could have changed the course of my whole life. And that thought hurts me so much more than than the thought of this child I never knew- which kinda makes me feel at peace with my decision.

The point is guys: I ate A LOT of crap this week. I wasn’t expecting much in the way of weight loss, as we also ordered pizza twice this week! AND I had McDonald’s for lunch on my birthday. I was trying my best to stay away from fast food after the twins were born & it only took 15 days to go running back! Damn!

And nowwwww: I still lost a pound!! That puts me at 34.5 pounds down since 3/3!!

This week I plan to try to stay away from the sweets and bad foods. It’s just gonna take some willpowahhh. I’m hoping for at least 2 pounds of weight loss next week.only 18.5 pounds till my pre-twin pregnancy weight and well, a more embarrassing 33.5 pounds to my pre-Hudson pregnancy weight! But hey, I’ve lost that much already without even trying!!

In my head I will lose 10 more pounds before I even have my 6 week postpartum check-up. Then, I will have 23.5 pounds of dieting and exercise to complete! But hey, That could be done before the end of summer!! I will be trying my hardest and I hope you guys will be too!

Thanks again to Blair for starting McFatty Monday- I think it will really help me out on my quest to lose baby weight!!!

Because right now? I still look like this!

(Hi there, Mr. Toilet- so nice of you to be in the picture!)

ALSO: If anyone has a copy of that 30 day shred that they may have already given up on- please allow me to borrow it, as I surely will give-up as well. No use spending the money. I’d only be kidding myself. Holler at me if you have a copy to lend!

Happy Monday!

But, whatever. It’s my blog & I can be cheesy when need be.

So, let’s talk FAT. I have always shared with you guys that I am a fat chick. I am. I developed pretty early,actually needing that training bra in 3rd grade, while other girls had them to be cool. By 6th grade I was filling out dresses my mother wore in HER TWENTIES. Yeah, by the time I met my husband I’d venture to say I had the PERFECT BODY- too bad I was 14 years old! It sucks to peak early, my friends.

Anyhow, after a few years of “the shot” and eating like I was still 14 years old- I had gained a poop-load of weight and by the time I was 19 I was just straight up fat. I’m still not comfortable talking numbers- but let’s be frank: I’m 5’5” and weighed something starting in 2. So, I got on the fad diet train. I did Atkins and lost 30+ pounds. I took some crazy prescription from a diet doctor and didn’t eat for days. I got back down to “looking good” but hungry Emily is a bitch and prescriptioned Emily is a bitch. And really, my husband & I FOUGHT. We ended up breaking up for a short while. (we weren’t married yet.)

Then, I stopped dieting. Because I looked good. And I was having fun partying like any 22 year old. My hubs and I got back together. AND BEFOREEE I KNEW IT! I was an even HIGHER number starting with two. When I got married it was the heaviest I had ever been. When I saw pictures? OH MAN. I RAN to Weight Watchers. Through making pretty healthy decisions and changing a lot about my exercise habits (HELLO SPIN CLASS!) I got down to the lowest I’d been in a long time.

Then I got Pregnant with Hudson.

And since I got so sick- I lost EVEN MORE WEIGHT! I was literally the lightest I’ve been since High School until I was 5 months pregnant.

That didn’t last, and at delivery of my son, I was about 10 pounds less then the worst case scenario. I guess that’s pretty good, because most girls are the heaviest ever while pregnant. So, I Got lucky I suppose.

But, as anyone who reads this blog knows- I lost a bit of weight from Hudson’s pregnancy – only to find out 4 months later that I was pregnant AGAIN WITH TWINS. So, needless to say, I never got to my old size before starting to grow all over!

I did lose weight again in my last pregnancy, as I have had Hyperemesis in both pregnancies. This time, however it was caught earlier and they were more aggressive with medication. So, I was back on track and heading north on the scale in no time at all.

And guys?! I gained 53 pounds. When I had those twins almost two weeks ago- my previous “worst weight ever” was a distant memory and I was just straight up SAD to get on the scale.

So, that’s where we are now. I am joining McFatty Monday OFFICIALLY. I will need to add in more exercise once I get the all clear from the doctor in a few weeks- but I think exercise probably isn’t necessary when you climb a flight of stairs to your doorstep and carry THREE KIDS AT A TIME up and down from their room 80 times a day. All together these babies weigh about 35 pounds. And I kid you not- I carried them ALL up the stairs just now.

Luckily, Hudson is reading (he hates when I try to read to him- he likes to do it on his own) and the babies are sleeping. So, I had time to blog this out right quick.

Anyhow:
Since the twins were born on March third, I am down from 2** to 1**. Yes. I have crossed the threshold into the weights beginning with one already! In total, as of yesterday’s compulsive naked weigh in before showering I have lost THIRTY-THREE POINT FIVE POUNDS. HOLLER!!!

I’ll be updating next week and hoping to see more progress.

Yesterday I had my pre-op where we discussed what would happen during Wednesday’s surgery. I’ve done this before, but I think my previous ignorance was bliss. I was able to “pretend it wasn’t happening” but now, this time- I will be able to see subtle differences which will have my mind racing with “what ifs” and “why are they doing thats”.

I am gonna go under the knife yet again. And guys? I’m pretty scared.

I don’t see c-sections as something to vilify & I definitely don’t think that people should ever EVER pass judgment on others and the way they bring their children into this world. While this isn’t ideal for me, I literally cringe when I read things about women like me being misinformed or uneducated or stupid to allow the doctors to FORCE me into surgery instead of labor.

Hudson was transverse & now so are BOTH the twins. On my ultrasound Monday they were literally swimming in the Pisces formation (which was sweet seeing as they will be my little Pisces babies). Tell me how exactly I am to have a normal birth with kids who are in my ute like this:

<---------
-------->
0

They clearly do NOT line up with that little zero shaped hole. I think the reason women used to DIE in childbirth may have something to do with people like me. There is no way two babies laying on their sides are going to proceed down the way they are supposed to. 100 years ago- I wouldn’t survive. I don’t care what argument you have to the contrary. I think it’s true.

So, I am HAPPY that I receive medical care from great doctors and nurses who have been nothing but amazing to me through my two pregnancies.

I am confident that my doctor, who is also a mother, will do her absolute best to ensure both the health of my two children & me.

That all said: I am also SUPER EXCITED.

It was only about 13 months ago that I was preparing for Hudson’s arrival- and here I am again. Tomorrow morning, I will call labor & delivery at 6 AM and they, most likely, will tell me to COMMEEEE ONNNN DOWNNNN. By noon tomorrow- I’ll have three children. THREE.

I get TWO MORE OF THESE to love to infinity.

Yes, my son IS throwing up the gang signs. He’s tough. But that is besides the point.

I’m in a total state of panic but somehow- I am also calm. I have so much to do- and no time. But, for whatever reason, I know my super human powers will kick in later today & I will get it all done.

So, in my blogging absence, please do me a huge favor & keep voting for my little blog daily, even though I cannot remind you via twitter & facebook every ten minutes. The link is right there on the right side. ——> So click that shit!

Also, I will be tweeting from the hospital because I’m addicted to the nets like that & because really, my hospital has lame cable TV. When the kids are sleeping I’ll be bored and probably get on there to update you all. If you don’t already follow me- you can also add me by clicking the button in the right side bar over here ——->

Lastly: OMG! BIG NEWS. Without giving away too much info- I have been asked to do my VERY FIRST GUEST BLOG! It will be published Friday, so look out for that. I’ll sure I’ll be able to jump on here to put the link up when it’s time.

I didn’t have this with Hudson, because clearly he was a lone ranger. I also didn’t get stretch marks.

And today, at 37 weeks exactly- I know what it feels like to be unable to hold another ounce. My stomach is EFFED. Like, road map status. & when I tell you about the burning- it’s bad. It literally feels like my skin could rip open at any second.

So- I sit here. Literally DYING for Wednesday to come quickly while still leaving me time to get everything done.

I don’t care if my after-pregnancy stomach hangs to my KNEES at this point. I just need it to myself. I want my feet to stop itching from the cholestatis. I want my Shrek feet to return to the size they have comfortably been my entire life. I want to sleep more than 15 minutes without having to get up and hobble to the bathroom to pee and realize I’ve only got a teaspoon of pee in me. I want to be confident that I won’t spontaneously barf or lose sight in my left eye for 15 minutes or any of the other crazy pregnancy shenanigans I have dealt with in the last nine months.

Every pregnancy I’ve ever had has been completely out-of-control horrible. I am stoked to be a mother of three in just over a year. I am also stoked to know I will never ever be here again.

Then, tomorrow I plan to clean downstairs with the hubs and then cross my fat little sausage fingers that I can keep it clean & relax until Wednesday morning. Just for good measure, I’ve hired a cleaning service for Tuesday morning to go over what will hopefully already be done.

Then, Tuesday afternoon- I’m treating myself to a facial. Because let’s be serious- my LAST facial was the day before HUDSON WAS BORN. Funny how taking care of yourself takes SUCH a backseat to being someone’s mommy.

Anyways: two quick tangents here.

A. Hudson completed his 5th night in his room alone. This was the third night he didn’t wake up once, the second night he woke up after 9 AM & the first night we both slept downstairs and let him go at it alone. I am so happy the room seems to be working out. He seems so happy & that makes me feel amazing.

B. This morning- I couldn’t find my kid. I mean, he was in my room with me & all the doors were closed. But I couldn’t see him. I soon discovered he was chasing the cat UNDER THE BED. We have a king size bed and it’s a platform style- probably about 10” (if that) of clearance underneath. Hudson crawled from my husband’s side to mine. It was hilarious & he seemed to be having fun even though I was sort of freaking out since I can’t lay on my tummy or reach in the middle of the bed or pick up the bed if it was needed. But he escaped and seemed to have fun. Hilarious.

I guess that’s it for now! Everyone enjoy the weekend. Hopefully, you are having better weather than we are!

So, keep voting- and if you visit regularly- VOTE DAILY!

In much much more important news, we are making strides in our playroom/nursery & tonight I folded all the baby clothes and made a pile of stuff that is new and needs washing. I probably have about 10 hours of work still but that’s ok. We are getting there with not a moment to spare.

Yesterday, my husband’s aunt took me out for a MUCH NEEDED mani/pedi & it was wonderful! Except- as they were working on mah toesies I saw the truth! I have SAUSAGE FEET/ANKLES. Holy moly, kids. My legs are huge. I am hoping that is just from all the crap I eat, but who knows. I’ve been plagued with a shitstorm of issues this time around so I am almost ready for the doctor to pronounce it preclampsia at my appointment tomorrow, even though my blood pressure has been stellar the entire time. I’m always prepared for the worst, I suppose.

After the mani/pedi we went up to Baby Gap/Gap Maternity & got a few little items on sale as well as matching blue & pink preemie jammies for Tru & Sawyer to wear home from the hospital if they get to come home right away. They are ADORABLE. I am kind of in love with the little jammies.

Speaking of which- tonight while folding all Hudson’s old clothes I came across his first outfits, which even though he was born at 6 pounds 10 oz were still preemie sized. They look like doll clothes and Scott & I are unsure how we will handle babes even smaller then Hudson was. It’s pretty daunting to think about.

So, tomorrow I have two more doctor appointments & my step-mom is watching the babe so I will have a few hours to continue working on the loft. This pleases me. Hope you are all having a wonderful week & I will check in tomorrow- maybe with more pictures of the nursery.